snail mail fail

“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”

In the Midwest people depend on the services of the United States Post Office, and the Post Office delivers. As a faithful USPS customer, snail mail is fun and personal; like a paper airplane flown right into the hands of my recipient. But snail mail takes time and effort. The thrill of the chase of finding just the right card is a rewarding ritual. Even a particular stamp can add the perfect finishing touch, often as an amusing wink to the addressee.

Once the letter is dropped in the official box, the delivery clock begins ticking. For the price of a stamp, a birthday, get well, congratulatory or thinking-of-you missive begins its bureaucratic journey.

In Las Vegas the odds are great that the appointed rounds will go all pear-shaped. In less than a year, I’ve experienced a high percentage of undelivered and returned mail. Adding insult to injury, a parcel filled with Christmas gifts from a loved one was stolen from the front porch whilst I was home baking cookies. Yeah, Happy Holidays.

In every instance of returned mail, ALL of the letters were addressed properly but delivery failed. Evidently, mailing anything in Vegas is a crapshoot. My expectation of a successful snail mail delivery has now been reduced to that of pure chance. Where is the weak link? Methinks I should say a little prayer when slipping mail into the postal slot. Or possibly, like other workers in Sin City, the sluggish post office employees could be motivated to perform by tipping. You know, blackmail the mail carrier. Up the ante. So next time maybe I’ll make like a George (big tipper) and tape cash to the envelope to see if I can flip my luck or improve my odds. Otherwise I’ll have to bail on the beloved, yet doomed stuck snail.